"Have you ever had a dream that was so real, you couldn't tell the difference between the dream world and the real world."
I've had a problem for many years now, which I know many would blame my alternative inhalation habits for, but in truth that
past time actually helps more than it hurts. Psychadelics are a part of life, and remain such for many years to come. They help to remind
me that reality and fantasy are actually deemed to be seperate entities. Otherwise I might find myself hip deep in one of my mental creations
and following them as if they were reality. The presence of psychadelics helps remind me, to first discern if something is reality or fantasy
first, before acting upon my impulses.
Ahh, yes, the waking dream, or otherwise explained as a path of life laid before me. A lot of times I find myself zoning out for
no reason, I just do. Space cadet, daydreamer, or attention deficit disorder, you name it what you will, I just like to say that I zone out.
Because I do. I'll start focusing upon some fixed point in space between things to actually look at (mostly because I think particles of air
are fascinating) but in actuality my mind is off on some tangent realm solving the function of life. In all honesty, I find it embarrassing
most of the time, because I dread that people could actually read the vision from my eyes.
Okay, I think it best to start from the beginning so as to somehow give a coherent explanation. Take life as a mathematical
equation, say f(x) = 1. (Yes I'm the 1). Pretty simple, one understands life simply being my own choices and my own path. Now add another person,
and that function becomes f(x) = 1 + x. Then add, another, then another, then another, then another, then another. Am I being repititious?
Nevermind. The more people, the more variables, the more the possibilies exist for some random element to occur and throw the whole
equasion out of whack. Take that to depths of infinity, and multiply it by forever, and that's one second in my brain. I won't deny
that it sometimes really sucks being a thinker, instead of a feeler or doer.
Now this equasion that I seem to be constantly working out, subconsciously most of the time, tends to help me see paths
available to me before I come to them. I saw myself offered harder substances of chemical nature, and I saw myself refusing. So when the
time came I was actually presented with a situation, though I was not directly offered the chemicals, upon figuring out what was going on,
I easily refused. I saw myself in an accident, and understood a sublime factor of all drunk drivers in accidents. So when I suddenly realized
while riding my bike, that I was going to be hit by a car, I instantly relaxed. Went supple as water, and the impact flowed through me instead
of into me, and wonderfully I was able to walk home carrying my mangled bicycle with me, with no more than a bruise. Things like these tended
to make me understand the benefit of hypothesizing. Mentally putting one's self into a position we haven't been in yet, and thinking about it
trying to plot the lines and paths offered, seen, unseen, and working through figuring what I would do. Simple enough really,
most people do it, but we just don't tend to think about and analyze it as much as I do.
What happens with the visions, are simply, when my mind suddenly creates a video game style rendered three dimensional reality
based upon some future possible event and I'm suddenly transfixed by this Dream world of striking reality. One second, I'm focusing on the
door frame, rather inebriated, hearing the conversation of acquaintances in the room, while my mind adds this overlay of a dream. It's like
I'm there, in this reality, experiences these people I know act as characters, and I'm supplanting my concepts of what they might do, and then
I'm left to my reactions. Schitzophrenia comes to mind quite often, but not surprisingly I do feel that this is different. I'm not one to
jump to conclusions too quickly, and thus I tend to doubt these are actual visions yet, I do feel they have as much importance as
the dreams that come to us in the night.
One could say I just have an overactive imagination, but when the lines of fantasy and reality blur to such an extent it tends
to make one wonder a bit. The benefit I have found, is the imagination side. The fact that I sometimes find myself seeing two realities at
the same time, one rather realitically conjured by my cerebral cortex, I find to be a comfort, in allowing me to see more clearly the choices
and paths that are continually offered to me. What use this has as an aspect of the Way of the Leaf, I can only say, that this might be
one of the side effects of my fencepost methodology. I've spent so much time absorbing what others do so as to further my knowledge of the
universe that I might more effectively walk the fence, that the fireball cast by someone in a book has begun to seem as real as young lady asking me
to spend the night. Neither of which really happened, but did I really distribute cookies at the bar, and play a couple dart games? That question
of reality is so ever present in my mind, I cannot escape it. Thus, I feel this little explanation is a guide for those who may try the same in their
lives. Or is it more of a warning away from the dangers of insanity. Who knows. Cheezygrin.