The History of Fluffy

(or the trials and tribulations of another outcast)

   Don't get me wrong, outcasts are given a gift that many do not even perceive, The outcast, is freed from social persecution at an early age. Peer pressure is something that is forced upon those who have something to lose. Popularity, Status, Prestige, all of these are factors that those who are naturally on the upside of social favour contain. Yet, they can all be lost. When one is an outcast, they have no popularity, or status, or prestige to lose, and are thus free to make whatever decisions they see fit, without worry of further persecution by the "public norm".
   I'm not saying being an outcast, or "uncool" is a good thing, for there are pains and pressures that go along with all of life. We all want to be popular, who doesn't? But, in an early development environment, ostracism can endow one with the ability to more easily perpetuate their own individualism, and identity. One cannot go any further down than the bottom.

   Who is Fluffy? Chuckle. Well, that's a bit more to ask than one might expect, but I shall try. To the left is my Astrological Natal Chart, which some of you may be interested in reading, should you care, or you can just peruse this brief description of myself here. Smile.    Anyway, I was born a slight twenty-three years ago, in Cincinnati, Ohio, to a decently respectable Middle Class Irish-German family. I have two sisters, one is a few years older, the other is about a decade younger. I was raised Roman Catholic, and attended private Catholic schools for my twelve years of remedial education. I will say this only once, for the cheap seats, that the name "Fluffy" is not my birth name, but it is my REAL name. Like the movie The Matrix, I ask that people think about the term "real" and define it for themselves, and for their communication with other people. Anyway, a long time ago, a good friend of mine, Jacob, played a joke on me in eighth grade, more a sarcasm than anything else, and started calling me his pet cat Fluffy. In the High School we both attended, the name was, at the time, unfortunately passed along, and somehow, I found myself a delinquent Freshman that everyone knew as Fluffy.
   There comes a time in all of our lives that we must analyze our being, and our relations to our fellow humans. That time came for me as a sophomore, when I tried to kill the name, proceeding to inform teachers and closer friends to follow my design as such, asking them to call me by my birth name. Horribly enough, for four tremendously long months, I felt empty. There is this spark, this intonation that occurs when someone who knows you calls out your name. You have a friend, a sibling, a parent, and they call to you, in their timbre, and for a brief moment, you can revel in that state of knowing, "They know who I am." My Birth name still holds that effect for my family, for it was thus that I have always been known by my family. But the first time I heard Jacob, and Tito, and Matt, and Art call me by my birth name on a constant basis, it was like I had become a ghost, and they no longer knew me. I had lost my identity. So I reverted, and instead of denouncing the name, I embraced it.
   As an upstart whippersnapper, as I still am, I had entered a new realm of spiritualism, and thankfully through my school, I was given the opportunity to expound upon it. Yes, I was an outcast in the social realm, but academically, and associatively with my teachers, I was able to start my foundation, which later became the essence of my being. I had already studied Christianity for many years, and knew it backwards and forwards, and yet it had lost its lustre. The history lessons pertaining to the fallibility of organization killed the ideal for me. The ideal of Christianity is quite beautiful in its nature, but the corruption and misinterpretation makes it seem....less than divine. Divinity is a hard thing to achieve as mere mortals, and yet we all believe we can find it somewhere. I knew at this time in my life, I was unable to find it within organization. Call it my natural urge to be different, or some glorious enlightenment that occured at a young age, or plain old teenage rebellion – the very fuel of change – yet, either way, I took a different path.
   As a Gemini, I place great stock in the meanings of words, and the language in which we all communicate. In this end, I began to dissect the word Theology, and understanding that Theology is only the Science and Study of God. In order to be a pure scientist, I had to start with a Control, which tragically enough was Atheism. Tantamount to Nihilism, there is no spirit, there is no soul, there is no God, there is nothing. Just a bunch of animals aimlessly adrift upon the tides of time. I spent many years reading and researching different religions, and from this Control, I came to see so much Truth in ALL of them. Far be it for me to say, that it is quite a shock to be told for thirteen years, that this one path is the only path. Only to find that there are countless other paths, that are just as noble, well intended, and as pure as the one I was on. That moment, somewhere in the middle of my Senior year, the solidified nature of Fluffy-ism was born. I was no longer Christian, or any other organizational religion. I was at that point Confirmed, Fluffy, sole Priest, monk clergyman, and practitioner of the religion of Fluffy-ism.

Documentorial History

   My father is an Industrial engineer, my mother a freelance writer. I was given a basis in both realms, mathematical and scientific as well as grammatical and linguistic. I was given a moral upbringing, one where both my parents lived together almost my entire life with them, until tragically they finally came to their senses and realized it wasn't working for them anymore. I attended school dutifully until graduation in 1996 from St. Xavier Jesuit Acadamy, and attempted college for a few brief months, entering the field of Computer Science.
   I am now a programmer, though I have no degree, and as anyone who has serveyed the other facets of this site, can see that I bounce from arena to arena quite simply and easily, and I'd have it no other way. I was never denied much of anything, and to anyone out there who cares, I am ever so grateful for all that I have, and have been given throughout my meager life. From the circumstances to the possessions, I have been tremendously lucky. I have a perverse view of politics, as well as Spiritualism, and well, mostly, I tend to also have a perverse perspective on emotions as well. I am not perfect, nor will I ever aspire to be. Chuckle.
   Try as I might, I cannot avoid the minor tragedies of Egotism that we all face, and I have managed to curtail it somewhat through my shy, aloof nature. I refrain from public comment, until I am certain that I have understood the venacular of those to whom I am speaking, and until I actually have something to say. Modern Urban Hermeticism has found it's niche in our society now, where many people, such as myself, find it tedious to handle the rigors of public, social interaction, and thus attempt to avoid it. Being a social creature, this creates an arena for much anguish at times, but we all cope. I have thus learned that instead of trying to control ones environment so specifically, finding several groups of environments that resonate well with one's self, is ever more appealing. Thus, we can enjoy the social life, while not feeling oppressed by it. From my own Hermetic style of life, into my own public social life, I have seen both sides as a necessary facet. For me they just come in bursts.
   Alls well, that ends well, thus I will leave this section up for further speculation on your own part. I only offer this little tidbit so as to help those who may read all of this, enter a moment into my own skewed psychosis, to grasp the origin of my perspectives upon the Spiritualistic scene.